It's that time of year again, when the latest Christmas sequel is released to eager fans. I know we're all feeling Christmas burnout, with a new entry in the franchise coming out annually since the year 0000, but I think this is one of the worst in that long history, and in this review I will explain why.
Let's get the usual criticisms out of the way first. These modern versions have deviated from what made the early Christmases special. The decision to have Jesus portrayed as a white man was the first step toward making Christmas political, and the last few years have addressed the "Merry Christmas" controversy in a ham-handed way, yet, miraculously, all that pearl-clutching has not put a damper on the meme of saying the popular slogan to strangers. The modern Christmases also continue to gloss over the pagan prequels and international spin-offs as if they never happened. Krampus hardly appears this year, giving way to even more Santa.
Let's get the usual criticisms out of the way first. These modern versions have deviated from what made the early Christmases special. The decision to have Jesus portrayed as a white man was the first step toward making Christmas political, and the last few years have addressed the "Merry Christmas" controversy in a ham-handed way, yet, miraculously, all that pearl-clutching has not put a damper on the meme of saying the popular slogan to strangers. The modern Christmases also continue to gloss over the pagan prequels and international spin-offs as if they never happened. Krampus hardly appears this year, giving way to even more Santa.
Friggin' Santa. The Jar Jar Binks of Christmas. This more recently introduced character never really fit with the rest of the ensemble cast—even if we suspend our sense of disbelief regarding the fantasy elements, why is he delivering mass-produced toys to every child he deems to be good. Who made him the ultimate judge of what is good and what is evil? He never even appears alongside the God character. What could have been a nuanced examination of moral reasoning is instead reduced to an unquestioning celebration of capitalism and consumption, which feels particularly icky in 2021.
A post by P.T. Phronk, of Forest City Pulp fame |
And yes, it is 2021, and the COVID-19 big bad introduced in Christmas 2020 is still around, so let's address the elephantine bearded man in the room: is Santa triple-vaccinated? Does he wear a mask when he enters each house? This is never addressed. After a few billion homes, I bet that filthy beard is harbouring microbes like a diner sponge, so if you’re looking for someone to blame for the rapid spread of disease, an older man with a poor diet who magically has close contact with every person on Earth in one night is a prime candidate.
But these flaws pale in comparison to Christmas 2021's primary failing: the Friends and Family characters hardly appear in this year's entry. Sure, you might catch them on computer screens or blink-and-you-miss-it cameos, but that's it. Everyone knows that Christmas isn't really about Jesus or Krampus or friggin' Santa—people keep coming back for Friends and Family.
Let's hope that the COVID-19 plotline is resolved by the time Christmas 2022 comes out, opening up fresh possibilities for Friends and Family, and just making Christmas fun again. In the meantime, I give Christmas 2021 two stars.
But these flaws pale in comparison to Christmas 2021's primary failing: the Friends and Family characters hardly appear in this year's entry. Sure, you might catch them on computer screens or blink-and-you-miss-it cameos, but that's it. Everyone knows that Christmas isn't really about Jesus or Krampus or friggin' Santa—people keep coming back for Friends and Family.
Let's hope that the COVID-19 plotline is resolved by the time Christmas 2022 comes out, opening up fresh possibilities for Friends and Family, and just making Christmas fun again. In the meantime, I give Christmas 2021 two stars.
Christmas 2021
Created by: Saturn, God of Agriculture
PG; 24 hours
Opens Dec. 25, 2021
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