Thursday, June 24, 2021

10 Reasons to Date (or not Date) an Author

Reasons to Date an Author

1.) We're creative, which can be useful in bed or when decorating the house.

2.) We often spend a lot of time parked in front of our laptops, so you don't usually need to wonder where we are.

3.) If we make it big, you can say you're dating a professional author. If we don't, you can still say you're dating a professional author. The lifestyle is the same either way.

4.) We will always know where to get the best coffee, weed, and/or booze. 

5.) If you need research done on any subject, we will likely have a resource for you.

6.) Authors are generally well-spoken, so you can impress your friends with your smarty-pants partner. If we aren't well-spoken, you can just say we're "quirky."

7.) You never have to wonder what we're thinking about, because it's usually writing.

8.) We tend to find any excuse NOT to write, so that leaves room for cleaning, cooking, and chores.

9.) We are easy to shop for. Starbucks gift cards, books, and cats make excellent gifts for authors.


Reasons NOT to Date an Author

1.) Our search history may or may not result in an FBI visit to the house.

2.) If you piss us off, we may kill you in our next book.

3.) If things end badly between us, be ready to be villainized in our 'tell all' memoir.

4.) The workspace in our home will be cluttered and disorganized. It might also have various stains from the food and drink we squirrel away.

5.) We can spend hours writing at a time, and you may forget we're there until we shout "FUCK!" and slam the laptop closed.

6.) Since we will find any excuse to NOT write, we may turn to you for entertainment. This will get old fast.

7.) We will constantly be running ideas by you and/or asking you to  review our work.

8.) We do a lot of events, cons, and signings, so when we come home, any con crud we picked up will be passed on to you. It's just like dating a teacher.

9.) There will be an overflow of books in your house. Good luck getting us to get rid of any.

10.) Once you go author, you'll never go dating...ever again. We will ruin you for anyone else.

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