Thursday, August 16, 2018

Sharp Object of My Affection: A Backjacket Hatchet Job

What's up you guys?! It's K.G.G. and it's my turn to poke fun at a book. And I've selected Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn. It's simply brilliant and I want to be in a club where we dissect the story in minutiae. But, alas, that isn't going to happen. So in honor of its resurgence, thanks to the talented Amy Adams in the HBO adaptation, I am going to summarize the story in the style of a Fox News Sunday (cause consequential stuff isn't reported on the weekends) anchor trying to understand the hype.

Fox News Lady
Hi everyone, and we're back. For our Foxy Reads Book Club, we're discussing Gillian Flynn's Sharp Objects. (Crosses legs) It's the story of Camille Preaker, a 30-something-year-old newspaper reporter, who returns to her hometown of Wind Gap, Missouri to cover the murder of a young girl. Is a serial killer on the loose?

Fox News Man

Fox News Lady
(Smiles) Oh it is.

Fox News Man
Did you enjoy it?

Fox News Lady
I guess. I found the main character a bit melodramatic. Her mother didn't love her. Yada yada yada. The kids at school are cruel. We get it. And Camille--how do I phrase this to our viewers--doesn't seem to respect her body. (cups her mouth and whispers) She cuts words into her skin. Her mother isn't all that loving.

Fox News Man
(shakes head) Another millenial blaming her parents for all her troubles. Am I right?

Fox News Lady
Be warned, there's a lot of cussing. I found that very offensive.

Fox News Man
Then why did you select it?

Fox News Lady
(calls out to her producer) Bruce, Bruce, why did we select this title? (listens) Oh right, Amy Adams is starring in the HBO adaptation. I just adored her in Enchanted. (touches earpiece) Breaking news: I just got word that Hillary Clinton is reading this book for her all-ladies book club in Chappaqua. She claims it challenges the notion of female violence. Well, there you have it, folks. More liberal propaganda to get Americans to read in the interest of understanding societal breakdowns and dysfunction, and it' all Hillary's fault. (shakes head, then smiles, upbeat). Next, we'll be interviewing Congressman Steve King about denying poor kids their free breakfast program to save your tax dollars. Stay tuned.


Karissa Laurel said...

That cracked me up. You're such a smart cookie, Kim!

Kimberly G. Giarratano said...

Awwww, thanks.

Brenda St John Brown said...

Loved this, but you know Fox News wouldn't be encouraging people to read.

Cheryl Oreglia said...

Funny, smart, throughly enjoyed. Great post Kimberly!

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