Don’t tell my human, but
this post is coming to you by me.
It’s hard to take a good
selfie without opposable thumbs, so don’t judge. I’ll try to only use photos my
human has already taken from now on.
My human, who normally
writes these posts, is busy. She’s been babbling about not knowing how she was
going to get this post done with spring break and other things that mean
nothing to me except an annoying interruption to my sleep schedule. However,
since she fed me regularly this week, and even cleaned my water bowl, I
decided to give her a break.
I help her a lot while she’s
on the computer. It’s how I learned to type. It’s also how I know there are
lots of posts floating around that highlight all the hard work a self-published
author does each time they complete another book. To my dismay, none of these
tell you what the cat does.
I’m sure you’ve heard the
saying, “Behind every good author is a purrfect cat.”
Allow me to enlighten you
of the cat’s roll in the book publishing process. While this tells you what I
do, I can assure you that it’s the same for all other cats.
You know that voice
authors sometimes say they hear in their head? The crazy ones think it’s their
characters speaking to them. Sorry, no—it’s the cat. I guide my human to make
sure she keeps her characters on track. I purr and show my belly when she gets it right. If it’s wrong, then I poke her in the face until she understands.
Another important role I
have is distraction blocking. I watch—from all angles—and am prepared to jump
into action the moment something tries to pull my human’s attention away from
writing. Some think that squirrels are the largest threat, but really it’s the
leaves. They blow around outside the windows from all directions, causing my
human to glance up repeatedly. That’s when I pounce, and bring her focus back
where it needs to be.
After what the human calls
a manuscript is done, I do what my human calls editing. I read this manuscript,
and point out the areas where she missed the mark. With all the poking during
the typing process, I’m not sure how there are always so many mistakes. But she
is only human after all.
Another thing I do for my
human author is shipment inspection. No human knows boxes better than cats.
Once my human has removed all the books from the box, it is my job to go in and
perform the quality check. I ensure the box is free of tears, can hold the proper
temperature, and has the appropriate level of concealment. Once the box
inspection is complete, I move to the packing paper. This is tested to make
sure it has the appropriate ‘crunching’ sound. Humans are too dense to
understand why these factors are important to the overall success of book
production, so I won’t even attempt to explain.
Finally, I make sure that
the all important author throne is held to a comfortable temperature. Humans
take for granted the way a properly heated rear end helps sharpen one’s focus.
Cats know this. We understand the critical role heat plays in everyday
function.
There are many, many more
ways the cat keeps their human author on track. But it is now time for my nap,
so I must end after one final thought:
If you’ve ever read a book
that you didn’t enjoy, then that human author has a dog.
~The Cat.
7 comments:
"Stupendous!"
- Steve's cats
Penny (and I!) LOVED this post. Penny believes this as well, and if it weren't for her, my writing process would be so boring!
Charlie the Cat gives this four paws up!
If you're Steve's cats, you must be cool. ~Carrie's cat.
Penny sounds like a very smart cat. I'll bet she's very adept at catching flies. ~Carrie's cat.
I give you two high-paws and two low-paws. And probably a nuzzle. ~Carrie's cat.
I have no cat... but my dog once got knocked over by a cat! (she's like 6 lbs) =) Great post, Carrie's cat!
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