The Argument against Arguing (or, The Value of not Tolerating Assholes)

If you've been on the internet, you know people like to argue. About literally everything. 

Monty Python had Twitter figured out 34 years before it was created. 

Movies, politics, sports, best regional cuisine... everything. 

Why do we argue? Well, it's fun! Usually! That is, it's fun when it's not about something serious. 

My co-workers are largely Jets fans, which made it lots of fun for me to wear my Philadelphia Eagles gear throughout their recent playoff run. They're also Yankees fans, which makes it a joy to tease them whenever the Yankees have one of their occasional stumbles. This doesn't rise above the level of good-natured ribbing. I'm not going to refuse to work with them because their evil Yankees beat my beloved Blue Jays or Mets. 

I'm not going to end my friendship with someone if they don't agree with me that DiFara's in Brooklyn has the best pizza in New York City. I'll just tell them they have no taste. My friends and fellow ATB writers Christian, Mary and Karissa are constantly arguing with me about which Star Wars movies are better. Mary and Karissa adore the romance of Ani and Padme in Attack of the Clones, and I think that is by far the worst one. They in turn cannot understand why I do not share their loathing of The Last Jedi. 

What swoony dialogue!

I am going to end my friendship with someone if they start telling me that my trans friends and colleagues don't have a right to exist. 

In the grand scheme of the universe, it does not matter if you don't like superhero films or if you think Crumbl cookies are overrated and that they're underbaked. It doesn't matter if I think you're wrong. It's a matter of taste.

What I object to is the conflation of basic human rights with matters of opinion and taste. There's this idea, mainly put forth by well-meaning liberals, that if we can only have a structured Robert's Rules of Order debate about the issues of the day then we can come to a reasonable solution to our problems.

Sorry, but that's horseshit. It's impossible to have a good faith argument with people who refuse to argue in good faith. And if you get roped into a "debate" with a bad faith actor, then you've already lost. 

It can't have escaped your notice that Pride Month feels a lot more fraught than usual. Right Wing culture freaks have grabbed onto anti-gay and anti-trans rhetoric as a cudgel to score political points. Ron DeSantis is using his "Don't Say Gay" bill and his attempts to brand parents of trans kids as child abusers as a way to launch his presidential campaign. This is wrapped in the language of protecting the children from sexual deviants, which is identical to the language used in the '80s and '90s. 

Do you want to debate these hatemongers? You are already letting them set the terms. Their starting point is "trans people should not be allowed to exist," and that is not actually a point that needs to be debated. Then they'll try and change the goalposts. Oh no, they say, we are just extremely concerned about women's sports. (I'm normally very opposed to gatekeeping, but I have no problem if you ask anyone playing the Women's Sports card to name three WNBA teams.)

Are you familiar with the Paradox of Tolerance? If not, here is a helpful web comic to illustrate it:

Basically, the more you tolerate hate, the more you allow hate to take over and the more you endanger the tolerance you sought to protect. 

So please, this Pride Month, please do not get baited into pointless arguments on social media. Block them and move on. There's no need to entertain people playing Devil's Advocate (and why exactly are you advocating for the Prince of Darkness anyway?) It is never a good faith conversation. It is entirely an attempt to mainline hatred while trying to but their college debate skills to some use. 

I am willing to tolerate your extremely wrong opinions about The Last Jedi. That movie is really good. 

See you on Twitter. Happy Pride!