Monday, June 5, 2017

Google Search: Let Me Explain!

Hey guys!  My turn to do a Google search post.  Let's delve into the fetid moist swamp of my previous Google searches, then I'll try to justify each recent horror!


Yikes.  First I'm going to explain the peripheral items.  When I started brainstorming this article, I wanted to write a fresh random search.  This made me think of Ouija boards, as a Google search string based on a few very generic words like "will I ever" is very much like asking for answers from the spirit world.  As a longtime (oooooo, hoooo) Witchay Woman, I love Ouija boards.  I just bought my oldest son Eli, a budding preteen potential goth, a Ouija board for his upcoming 12th birthday.  Perfect time to start messing with the spirit world.  Poltergeists love puberty!  Anyway, trying to use Google as a Ouija board was on point in that it turned up very Ouija-like questions, but was sort of a bust in that these questions are not all that conducive to entertaining discussion but rather just sort of depressing:

"Will I ever see my mother smile?"  Jeez Louise!

So that explains the web address in the address bar, as "are Ouija boards real" was a remnant of that Ouija train of thought.  Let's go to the first tab I had open.  This was another attempt at a new vague Google search, this time delving into a more mature form of curious anxiety:

Perhaps the invasive nature of these tests led to me deciding to digitally probe my own search history.
The next tab on my screen was this very blog, where I am currently writing this article, followed by the Google search I had open.

The final tab, reading "Another 'Teen Mom 2' D" was to a favorite blog of mine, The Ashley's Reality Roundup, where I go to get all the important news about reality TV stars, mostly "16 and Pregnant" and "Teen Mom" people but also folks in the Duggar-sphere.  Why do I like watching people unwisely popping out babies then living their baby-filled lives?  Maybe because my entire twenties was that?  Anyway, Leah Messer's sister is getting a divorce.  You're welcome.

On to the actual search.  Let's break it down by search term:

"discover" "cox" "cox pay" - payin' mah bills, forgetting the websites on which I do that and the user names and passwords, just like I do every month.

"doug hutchison" - So I was reading the aforementioned Reality Roundup and something came up about Courtney Stodden.  Courtney is one of the many pseudo-celebs with whom I am vaguely familiar due to my pop culture compulsion.  I knew she married an old D-list celeb when she was sixteen and he was fifty, and then I knew a bunch of TMI about her marriage, and now she's getting a divorce.  I thought her soon-to-be-ex was famous for playing one of the brothers on the original "Brady Bunch," but I guess he married some other too-young chick, because it turns out Doug Hutchison is known for playing dickish supporting characters in movies like "The Green Mile."  So that was like twenty minutes of my life that I'll never get back.

"attorney disciplinary board" - checking someone's status doesn't just mean STDs down here in the land of shady lawyers, aight?

"diarrhea medicine" - The obvious crown jewel of this Google search history.  There was this silly map of the US thing going around on Facebook showing the words each state most commonly Googles to check their spelling.  Here is the article on NPR.  Apparently it was in honor of the National Spelling Bee.  Anyway, I was about to visit family in New Hampshire for the first time, so I saw that New Hampshire's most frequently Googled word for spelling was "diarrhea."  I wanted to make a joke about this to my New Hampshire family, but couldn't think of the most common diarrhea medicine, hence the search.

And now I have to cut this short and go to the bathroom.  Unrelated.  Shut up!

1 comment:

Carrie Beckort said...

I never thought of the using Google as a form of a Ouija board - but now that you say it I totally get it! That or a bit of Magic 8 Ball :D Maybe Google could add that feature to their search capability - just click the Ouija button if you're looking for supernatural guidance rather than legitimate resource sites.

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