Monday, November 24, 2014

Hefting a Grim Cup of Holiday Obligation

Another quality post brought to you by Steve!
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Ho, ho-ho! It's time to celebrate everyone's favorite holiday. Yes, that magical time of year when you plant a tree in the yard, put on your Guy Fawkes mask, and remember the sacrifices of organized labor to bring us the 8-hour workday, weekends, and child labor laws.  Such warm memories.  Such pleasant future memories to look forward to tomorrow.

How will you be celebrating this year? Traditionally, you're supposed to bring chocolate and flowers to a romantic, candlelit dinner with your sweetheart. But what about other traditions? Other cultures? Perhaps this year you'll play dreidl, or leave a sugarspun skull on the grave of your lost loved ones, or even heft a stein with dozens of sweaty Teutonic men down at the Biergarten.

What of me, you ask? I'll be celebrating as I do every year: by getting falldown drunk on green-tinted beer and Jameson's, then passing out in a gutter. Traditions are important you know.

But still, let's not forget the reason for the season. We all like to have fun and spend time with our families this time of year, barbecuing and setting off sometimes illicit fireworks, but it's also important to remember that if it wasn't for Washington, Lincoln, Columbus, and King, we wouldn't even have anything to celebrate. Let's try to keep that in mind as we're popping the champagne and kissing our sweethearts at midnight this week.

So, this is me, signing off. I know this is a religious holiday, and not everyone subscribes to the same faith. So just bear in mind that as I wish you all the traditional holiday greeting for this time of year, I mean it only with the warmest of hearts and most inclusive of intentions. And so I shall sign off as is customary with a cheerful: "RATS OFF TO YA!"

Rats off to ya, everyone.

(Note: In honor of...something or other, I can't quite remember what, Across the Board will not be updating this Thursday. We will, however, be back with a regular post next Monday, despite the sacred trust that is Cyber Monday. Oh, I remember now. HAPPY BLACK FRIDAY'S EVE, EVERYBODY! Lu lu lu lu lu lu lu...)

34 comments:

  1. You are one whacky dude, Steve! And I love it! Rats off to ya, too!

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  2. We'll be celebrating by cooking all day, cleaning all day, eating all day and then feeling ill all day. Don't you just love the holidays?

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    1. Well, I certainly feel emotions towards the holidays...

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  3. I'll be sleeping in for as long as the kidlet lets me, and then I'll start in making the two dishes I'm taking to my mother in laws. Our holidays are pretty uneventful, load up the food and presents and drive two minutes and we're there! =)

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    1. You're holding out on us, Le&ra. What are the dishes?

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    2. You asked for it- prepare to drool! Bacon & red pepper macaroni & cheese, and snickers caramel apple salad.

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  4. happy holidays, guys!! :) we don't do a ton in my family. Holidays are always extremely low key. There's always some drama or other with my extended fam (*cough grandparents cough*) so we don't really go upstate to have warm fuzzy grandparent time. For Chanukah I just exchange gifts with my brother and parents. :) something tells me my kitten will get a kick out of dreidel spinning fun!

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    1. Yes! Another Jewish chick. I married an Italian-American so now we do all the holidays. And all the decorations that go with it.

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    2. yay!! Summer is definitely a pen name ha. and I just googled Mensch on the Bench and I can't stop laughing--I have never heard of it till now!

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    3. Not Jewish but I grew up in a Jewish town. We always knew Easter was coming because the school cafeteria started serving Matzoh. And sometimes I would get my birthday off because of Rosh Hashanah!

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    4. me too! your birthday must be around mine--September 17th in the house!

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    5. I heard Harrison Ford is a quarter Jew... Not too shabby!

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    6. these songs were my life. How I wish Adam would do an updated Chanukah song. One can only dream!

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    7. Totally! I'd much rather listen to Adam Sandler's songs than watch his movies...

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    8. Yep, September 19. VIRGO PRIIIIDE! And as long as we're talking about Adam Sandler, may I recommend this little remembered gem?

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  5. I'm in denial. Even on Thursday, sitting in my mother-in-law's kitchen, staring at the turkey, I'll still be in denial. I have a suspicion it will all hit me like a brick when the family pain-in-the-a$$ (a.k.a. The Elf on the Shelf) comes back into town... This year my daughter wants to know if they can be pen pals ??? How am I supposed to remember to move her AND write a note with my non-dominate hand in a pen color I don't normally use?

    Happy holidays everyone!!

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    1. My son doesnt buy into the Elf -- probably because he sees us take it out of the box and then we never move it. We also got a Mensch on the Bench this year. Kind of excited about that one.

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    2. What's the elf? Do I even want to know?

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    3. No, Stephen, you don't want to know about the Elf. I didn't want to know about it, but Grandma thought it would be cute for her granddaughter to have one.However, to share the torture - it's a little doll that arrives the day after Thanksgiving and goes home to the North Pole on Christmas Eve. The idea is that he/she watches the kids to make sure they behave and reports back to Santa each night. The annoyance is that it has to be moved each night to a new hiding spot - you know, so we can completely lie to our kids and make them believe it's real. Although, I have a feeling you would come up with some pretty crazy ideas for relocating the Elf each night... :-)

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    4. I heard Harrison Ford is a quarter Elf. Not too shabby! Anyone?

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    5. I have a feeling if Stephen owned an Elf on a Shelf, the poor thing would call it quits and run off!

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    6. I Still Want Your Daughter, Though, Jonathan. Oh, Leandra, that's harsh. I take good care of my fantasy creatures.

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  6. Replies
    1. Don't worry, Debra. I think everyone's feeling that...across the board. (Ha!)

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    2. Debra- we're a bit of a loony bunch at times! ;) And Stephen- good one!

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  7. Hah! This was great! Hope everyone had a great holiday...of some kind!

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