The Wisdom of Maryanne Pope

It gives me great pleasure to introduce to you Maryanne Pope, Founder, and CEO of Pink Gazelle Productions, an accomplished author, blogger, and grief expert.

In honor of Krista Tippett, I like to start my interviews by asking Maryanne if there were any significant childhood influences that had an effect on her writing. From early on Maryanne has had a deep concern for the treatment of animals. It was her Mom, a big animal-lover, who instilled in her the importance of treating animals kindly and caring about wildlife, conservation, nature, and the environment. An empathic view much needed in our world today.

Maryanne knew by the age of seven that she wanted to be a writer and ever since this has been her dream. It wasn’t until her beloved husband died suddenly at the age of thirty-two that Maryanne understood the difference between dreaming and doing. It was only two weeks after his death that she sat down at the computer and started writing. This writing that sprung from intense grief would become the raw material for her first book, “A Widow’s Awakening.”

She writes to understand what she is experiencing in life. Maryanne says, “I re-write and publish (or post, produce, etc) to share with others what I am learning. I have a passion for many things but because of my life experience, I have written a great deal about workplace safety, death & dying, grief, and the afterlife. At my core, I think I am a story-teller.”

Maryanne would describe her genre as creative non-fiction. Her writing is based on real-life experiences, either her own or historical figures. She is attracted to creative non-fiction because "she finds there is such richness in reality itself.” She uses real-life stories as the starting point for an imaginative retelling.

Her audience is diverse, for her book, “A Widow’s Awakening,” her primary audience is female readers who love engaging stories about strong women overcoming adversity, or women who are grieving the loss of a spouse or loved one.

Maryanne’s weekly blog, “Weekly Words of Wisdom,” attracts readers who are interested in the insights of a lifestyle blogger. This includes not only everyday experiences but movies, books, life lessons, and on occasion people who push her buttons! 

Maryanne also writes play scripts and screenplays that capture a very different audience but regardless of genre, platform, or project, her audience has a desire to be inspired, challenged, and empowered to make changes in their own lives and/or the world around them. 

Her engagement with other authors is casual and not necessarily intentional. If Maryanne reads a book that resonates with her, she will write a review, and tag the author. She says, "If something comes of it that’s great."

I asked how the current political climate and world-wide pandemic has affected her writing? She thought the question was an interesting one, for Maryanne, the pandemic has been a blessing. It has given her the time, space, and privacy to stay at home and write, and she adds, in peaceful and productive solitude.

Maryanne has written several blogs about the benefits of being a writer during this pandemic, she acknowledges some people resonate with this perspective more than others. It seems as if she is connecting more deeply with readers of her weekly blog during the pandemic because she has the time to communicate with her followers, especially since she is not traipsing about the planet!

Maryanne says, “I am fascinated with what a difference time and space is making in regards to my writing…including my ability to connect to my deeper self, my imagination, and my characters. This pandemic has taught me that even when the restrictions are lifted, I will continue to be far more protective of my time and sacred writing space. I will connect with fewer people…but develop deeper connections.”

When asked about the importance of research in regards to her work, Maryanne says it depends on the project. Her screenplay, “God’s Country,” for example was researched extensively because it is based on the life of a silent screen star, Nell Shipman. Her book, “A Widow’s Awakening,” didn’t require much research because it was based on her personal experience of coming to terms with the death of her husband, John.

She has written a playscript called, “Saviour,” based on the real-life circumstances that led to her husband John’s death, but the bulk of the story takes place in the afterlife and is very much about death, dying, including the journey and purpose of the soul…so that required some research. But much of that research isn’t exactly scientific or fact-based because it is spiritual and subjective in nature.

I love to learn about the writing rituals of authors so I asked Maryanne to share something of her routines. She says, “I am as predictable as they come! I wake up early every day, have coffee, think, and reflect. Then I do yoga, after which I write for 1 to 2 hours usually focusing on larger projects." Then she moves on to smaller writing tasks, such as blogs, e-mail, and administrative tasks.

She writes in the same place every day, on her laptop, sitting on her couch, surrounded by supportive pillows. I love this tip, she sets a timer for 53 minutes and takes a break when the timer goes off. Brilliant.

Maryanne chooses technically challenging projects that end up strengthening and stretching her skills as a writer. As an example, the “Saviour” playscript and subsequent scripts in that series are extremely challenging because she has to create an entire world…that of the afterlife. It took her 15 years to get the “Saviour” playscript where it needed to be. It was extremely challenging to write…emotional in the early years but then technically challenging in the subsequent rewrites.

When asked about her activity on social media Maryanne responded, “I am not personally that active on social media. I really don’t enjoy most social media very much. The exception is Instagram…I do enjoy that – probably because I can get in & out very quickly.” She does understand the importance of having a strong presence on social media, so she hired Sarah who helps her stay on top of social media demands. Sarah loves Twitter, for example, so this is where she shines. She says, "I am extremely grateful for Sarah because she ensures that I do have a social media presence."

Maryanne says, “I have been going hard, as a writer, for twenty years – and this much I have learned: we cannot do it all on our own. At least, I can’t. I cannot work at my peak creative capacity, writing large projects such as play scripts and screenplays, AND have a robust presence on social media. Sarah and I work really well together. I create the content (blogs etc) and she shares them on social media.”

How’s that for honesty 😊

Social media is a very important way of connecting with others, but there is still nothing like a good old-fashioned phone call, or well-crafted e-mail to move a writing project forward advises Maryanne. 

One of her favorite authors is Sarah Ban Breathnach. Her book, “Something More; Excavating Your Authentic Self” is one of her all-time favorite books. I also have a copy of this book and absolutely love it.

For Maryanne literary success is doing the work she is here to do…and loving it. She loves hearing back from readers when something she has written resonates with them or helps them in some way. Success is a very internal thing, as Maryanne loves nothing more than waking up each morning, and looking forward to working on whatever writing project she happens to be working on.

She says, “over the years, I have come to realize that learning to enjoy the process of taking an idea all the way through to the end product – blog, book, play, film – is where the success lies. I used to think it was the end product. NowI know better.”

Maryanne advises, “if you have been wanting to write but have never got around to it, my advice to you is this: just do it. Make a short-term commitment to yourself to write for even just ten minutes a day for one week. See how that feels. If you hate every moment, it may be time to let that dream go…make space to let in what you really want to do.”

If you do enjoy the experience of writing, then keep at it, perseverance is key, so is developing good habits.

Here is the link to buy “A Widow’s Awakening”: https://www.bhcpress.com/Books_Pope_A_Widows_Awakening.html Maryanne Pope is the author of A Widow’s Awakening. She is the Founder & CEO of Pink Gazelle Productions and a Director of the John Petropoulos Memorial Fund. To receive her weekly blog, Weekly Words of Wisdom, please sign up here. Have a visit to her Etsy store.

The Fraud Police

By Cheryl Oreglia

As a writer, I have struggled with imposter syndrome ever since I hit the publish button on my first blog. My husband yelled from the office, "you misspelled corral," and I about fainted. They'll know, they'll all know, I have no idea what I'm doing! 

"You don't know how to spell." I lamented.

"Who do you think you are?"

"Nobody wants to read what you're writing."

"You're not an expert."

Even worse.

"You'll look like a fool."

Megan Culter says, "I gave up my agency. I had put power over my passions into the hands of unknown, unseen strangers. I had allowed the fear of failure to bar the way." Our fear of looking like a fool is one of the most powerful gatekeepers to the future we envision. We would rather play it safe than risk looking vacuous?

These are the tapes that play in my head every time I'm ready to publish a new blog. I feel as if I need some sort of validation outside myself to give me permission to put my work out in the world. Why are these thoughts so pervasive?

“I have challenged fate to chess and am now attempting to keep all my confidence from puddling in my boots. What if I’m the only one betting on myself because everyone but me can see I am not suited to play at all?” Mackenzi Lee

I have to ask myself what if no one ever read a word I wrote?

Does it ultimately matter?

I tell myself so what. I would still write because when I stop writing my life doesn't work. I don't know who I am and I struggle to find the significance of living a chaotic and complicated life. It's like "holding my breath forever," says Megan Culter. Life and my search for meaning force me back to the keyboard again and again. I inhale with every note, exhale as words form on the page, and only then do I recognize myself in that which I observe from a distance.

Some writers only feel this sort of insecurity on occasion, but other writers have to live with this sense of inadequacy for their entire career as if an agitated companion who continually scans for the negative, and has no qualms about exploiting your failings at every opportunity. I say divorce that dude and move on.

You would think that after an author had experienced some measure of success as a writer, (published a successful novel, received an acclaimed award, or was hired to write for a prestigious magazine) that they would leave these doubts behind? But the reality for many writers, no matter the endorsements, is that feelings of incompetence stubbornly remain.

So how do we keep imposter syndrome at bay?

I have read that regular exercise can help, along with practices of meditation, or yoga (although I resist all of these when I'm in the middle of an IS episode). I suppose what's most important is for you to recognize when you're being lured away by imposter syndrome that you get back on track as quickly as possible. I make a pot of coffee, call my sister who is my biggest fan, browse through old cookbooks for something new to cook. And for whatever reason that always makes my writing appear more appealing!

Do what works for you, we're all different, one of my writing friends likes to garden when her thoughts are chocked with IS weeds, another goes for a run as if she could distance herself from her thoughts. I eat. Whatever. 

“When you know you're ENOUGH! When you stop focusing on all things that you're not. When you stop fussing over perceived flaws. When you remove all imposed and unbelievable expectations on yourself. When you start celebrating yourself more. When you focus on all that you are. When you start believing that your perceived flaws are just that - perception...” Malebo Sephodi

Where does this come from?

Studies have shown that imposter syndrome can sometimes have its roots in childhood experiences. For example, maybe a teacher once said you were a terrible writer or a parent criticized your early attempts at authoring a short story? Bruce Watson says relentless criticism in childhood can internalize parental scorn that no amount of success will silence. It's possible to get to the core of these issues by seeing a therapist who can help with the tools we need to overcome these early experiences or move beyond their reach.

I remember watching a movie with Robert Redford and Barbara Streisand, they were taking a college course on writing, and both were working on an essay as the final in which the professor would select the best one to read to the class. Robert won the contest and I remember watching Barbara, completely devastated as she ripped up her paper, and threw it in the trash. That's what happens when we allow imposter syndrome to take possession of our thoughts, it's extremely destructive and crippling as a writer.

Is this common to all creative types?

Yes! Actors, painters, dancers, writers, singers all experience "the unshakable conviction that you are getting away with something and that any moment now they will discover you. It's imposter syndrome, something my wife christened the Fraud Police," says Neil Gaiman. Even Emma Watson from the acclaimed Harry Potter films says, "any moment, someone's going to find out I'm a total fraud." But just like Harry Potter, you have the power to overcome these negative forces in your creative life, but it might leave a scar.

Nava Atlas adds, “you'll be amazed how much you have in common with Edith Wharton (who struggled to feel worthy of success), Louisa May Alcott (who badly needed money), Madaleine L'Engle (who could have papered an entire house with her rejection letters) and many other writers.”

What if it's true?

The only truth is that creative types have fluctuating careers, ups and downs, successes and failures. This is the reality in which we exist and it's like cat-nip for imposter syndrome. When you're up you think it's a fluke and when you're down you blame yourself. This is IS's main talent, they have us chasing after some unattainable ideal, resulting in disappointment and defeat. As Elsa says in Frozen, "let it go."

What can I do to fight this affliction?

I use every distraction in my arsenal. When I sense these feelings creeping in through the window of my mind, I open it wide, stick my head out and yell, "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore." Try it. It works.

Sometimes I stop and ask myself how my work can benefit others? Usually, that's enough to chase the boogeyman away. Basically, it's getting out of my own head, my own thoughts, and considering the needs of others. It's amazing how fast that clarifies and validates my work.

Try doing something completely new. I tried painting and immediately felt the icy claws of IS take hold of my thoughts. I believe I even said out loud, "I hate painting, I'm horrible at this, why am I doing this?" What a whinner! My sister-in-law had set up this perfect evening, where five of us sat around the dining room table, sipping wine, and painting our vision of Mt. Konocti on blank canvases.  I felt so insecure it was almost ludicrous. But I kept at it, and by the end of the evening, I had a decent painting of this majestic mountain and a new appreciation for the strength of IS especially when we're trying something new or outside our comfort zone.

The better you get at recognizing the destructive powers of imposter syndrome the better you'll be at chasing it away, or at the very least diminishing its effect.

What do you do when you feel insecure about your writing? Share a few thoughts in the comments, sort of like introducing your insecurities to mine.

When I'm not writing for Across the Board, I'm Living in the Gap, drop by anytime.

An aside:

“Some years ago, I was lucky enough invited to a gathering of great and good people: artists and scientists, writers and discoverers of things. And I felt that at any moment they would realize that I didn’t qualify to be there, among these people who had really done things.

On my second or third night there, I was standing at the back of the hall, while a musical entertainment happened, and I started talking to a very nice, polite, elderly gentleman about several things, including our shared first name. And then he pointed to the hall of people, and said words to the effect of, “I just look at all these people, and I think, what the heck am I doing here? They’ve made amazing things. I just went where I was sent.”

And I said, “Yes. But you were the first man on the moon. I think that counts for something.”

And I felt a bit better. Because if Neil Armstrong felt like an imposter, maybe everyone did. Maybe there weren’t any grown-ups, only people who had worked hard and also got lucky and were slightly out of their depth, all of us doing the best job we could, which is all we can really hope for.” Neil Gaiman

Exploding

By Cheryl Oreglia 

“And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.” Sylvia Plath

As far back as I can remember I've always enjoyed writing. As a kid I wrote silly poems, and then short stories. I thought everyone did the same thing, but when I began adulting, I realized writing isn't for everyone. In fact some people hate writing so much they avoid it at all costs. No wonder texting is so popular? 

I allowed my voice to be silenced for years, afraid to honestly write the things I was feeling and experiencing, because I thought people would think I was insane. Although E.L. Doctorow says, “writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia.” I looked around my life, living in the suburbs with a dog, cat, four kids, a husband, and thought what the hell could I write about? I was doing my best to keep everyone fed and in clean underwear. 

It seemed like I spent half my day in the car and the other half cleaning...as in dishes, clothing, toilets, floors, and refrigerators. I didn't leave the house without a diaper bag, box of Cheerios, and full cup of coffee for a decade. This was not the fertile soil of a writer. Or was it?

There are millions of writers in the world, each occupying their own niche, putting out high quality papers, essays, stories, poems, blogs, screenplays, etc., but very few comparatively make money. This is the most underpaid profession ever, I'm a word whore, with an abusive editor. The woes of writing...

How could I justify spending all this time typing words into a computer when I could be doing just about anything else and earn a 'good' living? Selling tupperware, painting addresses onto the curb, modeling for Victoria Secrets (kidding). I had options.

Nevertheless, "the idea of writing begin to take hold, to gnaw and to push and to build until, like a pressure cooker full of fresh corn, it started to leak out in sprays of hissing steam," Nancy Slonim Aronie. And as Nancy states pressure cookers explode if you ignore them. 

Instead, I ignored the naysayers, and started writing. “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you," says Maya Angelou. The early stuff was sort of like an appetizer, something nice that goes well with a glass of wine, but I kept at it, and some of my later work has a little more meat to it. Hopefully my next phase will be a decadent dessert that compliments a nice pour of port. 

Writers have to write. That is all there is to it. Sometimes I sit down to an empty page and wish my skeletal words would bloom like the foliage around me. After sprinkling a recent post with a few dehydrated phrases, I put it away, half expecting it to open like a tulip overnight. The water does not flow until the faucet is turned on says Louis L'Amour. There is no magic, open the computer, and let it flow.

“We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect,” says Anais Nin. I'm sure that's true but it sounds a lot like indigestion. Browsing through my life for material, I scan the memories, searching for some sort of deeper meaning embedded in the yarn, but sometimes a ball of yarn, is simply a ball of yarn.

Writing is most peculiar, I'm attracted to the mystery of the written word, but it's often evasive, and much of the time is spent editing, deleting, scrounging around in the gutter for just the right term. I've learned the simplest, most concise, and painfully clear word is usually the best choice. And then we have Mark Twain who says,  “substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.” 

I'm damn excited about writing. How about you? When did you get started?





When I'm not writing for Across the Board, I'm Living in the Gap, drop by anytime, we'll quibble with words.

Nothing is a Horrible Word

By Cheryl Oreglia

When it's time to post a blog sometimes the panic surges up in my esophagus, as if struck by severe indigestion, and I find it hard to breathe. Especially if I am late to the process. Desperately scanning my life for relevant material, knocking back cup after cup of french roast, but when nothing surfaces, I slump against the wall in total resignation.

Nothing is a horrible word. It means of little importance, of no concern, not anything, nil, zero, zilch, nada, zip, diddly-squat, and apparently that's all I have.

In a feeble attempt to avoid the blank page I order a therapeutic candle and vintage mixing bowls from Amazon. The thrill is short lived.

These are my current thoughts, "I want to accost the gardner who has been running the blower since eight this morning, causing the neighbor's dog to bark incessantly, and the whine from the refrigerator is taunting me.

I might need to move to Paris?

With nothing to write I'm sort of forced to scan Facebook, but it's the same three friends, checking into the same three restaurants, eating the same enticing food, which they photograph and post. Now I'm hungry.

I open both sides of the refrigerator and narrow in on a slice of leftover steak. It's dry, someone has taken a bite out of it, and decided to leave it behind? Maybe I'll take a picture and post my pathetic meal on Facebook? Maybe not.

Continuing to veer off course, I send out a few self-serving tweets, watch the hummingbirds fight over the feeder just outside my window, when unexpectedly I become fixated on exfoliation.

Diligently digging through my makeup drawer for said product, I spend ten minutes massaging mud onto my freshly washed face. Glancing in the mirror at the dried brown mask I realize all I'm doing is hiding. Damn. I hate it when reality slaps me in the face.

Rinse. Moisturize. Pluck eyebrows because this seems less painful than plucking words from my brain.

Back to the blank page. Maybe I need is a prompt?

I rifle through recent events as if on the Easter egg hunt, searching for something hidden, relevant, apposite. It's daunting. The empty page stares me down until I run to the kitchen with my mug screaming, "the road to hell is paved with adverbs," a Stephen Kingism.

Sometimes I use starters like, "Today I notice... I'm curious about... I couldn't live without... I wonder about...." The word that keeps popping into my head is NOTHING.

Let's hope the coffee kicks in soon.

I admit during the summer it is especially difficult to write because I'm busy relaxing.

Now some people have interesting lives. I just don't happen to be one of them. But interesting things do happen around me.

When I started blogging I thought it would be effortless. Sit my ass  down in a chair and allow the words to flow through me. Ann Lamott says “All good writers write [terrible first drafts.] This is how they end up with good second drafts and terrific third drafts. . . I know some very great writers, writers you love who write beautifully and have made a great deal of money, and not one of them sits down routinely feeling wildly enthusiastic and confident. Not one of them writes elegant first drafts. All right, one of them does, but we do not like her very much. We do not think that she has a rich inner life or that God likes her or can even stand her. (Although when I mentioned this to my priest friend Tom, he said you can safely assume you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.)”

Maybe I need  a priest?

Or a writing process?

What would a process look like? So glad you asked. Here, I gave it a go. You're welcome.

1. Feed the Blog. I need to get in the habit of jotting down memorable events. Worry less about spelling. Ramble, unload, let it go...this is not the blog, this is food for the blog (shitty first draft). For example, the enormous fires that surrounded us at the lake house last weekend, or the old friend who called me up out of the blue, because she's selling some miraculous anti-aging gel, and wants me to be part of her downline? Than there's my beloved cousin who demanded we clean out the refrigerator because she insisted a colony of botulism had moved in the produce drawer. The common theme seems to be preservation? We'll let those thoughts marinate while I cut up some cucumbers for my eyes.

2. Groom the Blog. I am a quote hoarder. It's true. I obsessively write down quotes, passages, articles, books that inspire. I keep a notebook handy or just record them verbally on my iPhone. This week I came across; "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind." Dr. Seuss. "Where’s your will to be weird?" Jim Morrison. "The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire," Ferdinand Foch. A Writer's Guide to Harnessing the Creative Power of Resistance by Deb Norton, "Don't look where you don't want to go." It's odd how I come across just what I need, just when I need it? Spooky... 

3. Weed the Blog. Spy on your thoughts suggests Deb Norton. Good writing is about telling the truth. Start with that shitty first draft, then weed, weed, weed until the truth is able to grow. “If something inside of you is real, we will probably find it interesting, and it will probably be universal. So you must risk placing real emotion at the center of your work. Write straight into the emotional center of things. Write toward vulnerability. Risk being unliked. Tell the truth as you understand it. If you’re a writer you have a moral obligation to do this. And it is a revolutionary act—truth is always subversive,” Anne Lamott. As if a child investigating a June bug, be fearless, notice everything, abandon yourself to the delight. 

4. Liberate the Blog. I'm not talking about the feminist movement, or burning your bra, this is about getting the words down and letting them go. “Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a shitty first draft. I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping-stone just right, you won’t have to die. The truth is that you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren’t even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you, and have a lot more fun while they’re doing it.” Anne Lamott. I have this running inner dialogue which tries to derail me, I realize this comes from a place of fear, I attempt to mollify her with kindness, or caffeine, and then unfollow her as if an annoying Facebook troll.

“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.” Enid Bagnold

What does your writing process involve? Where do you find inspiration? How do you generate material? I'd be ever so grateful if you shared a few thoughts in the comments.

Full story at Living in the Gap, drop by anytime, I crave good company.