Welcoming Kayleigh

 Hi, I'm Kayleigh and I'm new around these here parts. I hate being the new kid - I usually worry so much about making a good impression that I say something weird. So, with that concern in mind, I've decided to make my debut here with a safe, normal subject; shit weasels.

What are shit weasels, I hear you ask? Why, an alien species that grows inside your bowels and then eventually explodes out of your butt, of course. And who's responsible for this? Stephen King, obviously. I mean, it could only be Stephen King. These little nasties appear in his 2001 novel, Dreamcatcher, a sci-fi/horror story about an isolated group with the misfortune to come across a somewhat parasitic alien species. I've just read this book and couldn't help being reminded of Nick Cutter's The Troop, which is also about an isolated group that come across a dangerous, parasitic species. Personally, I'd recommend both books, but apparently I'm an island because while The Troop is generally well-received and reviewed, Dreamcatcher is typically rated as one of King's worst books. Cutter's book is often referred to as a body-horror masterpiece, whilst King's offering in this sub-genre is often described as, "uh, shit weasels, man."

Why is this? It can't be the premise, when one is loved and the other isn't. And people just love scary, body-invading parasites, ESPECIALLY when they either morph into you or burst out of you (a la Alien and John Carpenter's The Thing). I can't imagine it's a writing issue either - even when King's plots are criticised, he's still normally praised for his writing and his characters. Meanwhile, Cutter's book is by far the most disgusting of the two, and also includes scenes of animal cruelty, which is normally off-putting, and yet, as far as the reviews go, he reigns supreme. So again, why?

I'll tell you why. Shit weasels. And butts. It's because the parasites are referred to as shit weasels, and they come out of butts. People are prudish and blush at the mere mention of butts, never mind the planted image of something shooting out of one. Like poop. Which people are even weirder about than the butts. Why can't I stop saying butts?

I know what you're thinking - isn't it possible that I've not done enough research to draw this ridiculous conclusion? Is it not possible that King fans are not the same fans that are giving Cutter all this praise, that there are, in fact, millions of horror fans all with different preferences, that Dreamcatcher just doesn't stand up against most of his other works, and that I just love it because I have bad taste? No. I'm absolutely sure it's because the shit weasels come from an unsavoury place, and they remind people of violent pooping episodes. It's possible that I've come to this conclusion because I'm British, and we're notoriously prudish.

So anyway, hello everyone, that's a bit about me and my thoughts on ... all of that. I don't know how to end things so... bye.