Back Jacket Hack Job: The Stories of Bad Ass Moms

A post by Mary Fan

Hey everyone! Mary here, and it's once again my turn to do a Back Jacket Hack Job! Basically, this is a recurring series where one of us rewrites a book's back jacket terribly. For the most part, I pick on my own books because I'd feel a little bad messing with someone else's.

Today, I'm gonna do something in between. I just released my latest anthology, BAD ASS MOMS, so of course my first thought for this post was to mess with its description. Then I decided to take it a little further - I'm going to write terrible teasers for the 22 stories in the collection.

And so, without further ado, behold:

Mama Bear by Danielle Ackley-McPhail - A biker chick just wants to snack on blood but that's frowned upon.

What We Bring With Us by Derek Tyler Attico - A warrior, a fighter pilot, and a space officer walk into a bar... except there's no bar, and the three ladies live generations apart.

Pride Fight by TE Bakutis - Kind of like Rocky if Rocky were a woman and Philadelphia were an alien planet... actually, it's nothing like Rocky.

The Hardwicke Files: The Case of the Full Moon by Russ Colchamiro - Everyone knows day cares are up to no good.

Mr. EB’s Organic Sideshow by Paige Daniels - A little kid gets lost in the desert with a mom bot.

She’s a Real Cougar by Kathleen O’Shea David - A groupie for a European band attends an epic party in a castle.

Krysta, Warrior President by Peter David - Xena wasn't available for this anthology.

Materfamilias by Keith RA DeCandido - Basically, NYC is full of creeps, and a mom has to deal with them.

On Moonlit Wings by Mary Fan - In 1910, a mom lets circus freaks babysit her 2-year-old while she works out.

Ruth by Michael Jan Friedman - It's about an old woman named Ruth. And Ruth can be... wait for it... ruth-less.

Shoot Center by Robert Greenberger - If you shoot to the left or the right, Coach will be mad.

The Devil You Knew: A Scoubidou Mystery by Glenn Hauman - Scooby Doo wasn't available for this anthology either.

Shape Up, or Ship Out by Heather E Hutsell - MOTHER won't wash your mouth out if you curse, but she'll try to bury you in computer chips.

Jupiter Justice by Kris Katzen - Bad guys go to Jupiter to get more stupider.

"Come in, Sit Down, Have a Bite!" by Paul Kupperberg - Like I said, NYC is full of creeps. This time, the mom dealing with them is also really old.

The Art of Crafting Resistance by Karissa Laurel - A grandma uses knitting to swing an election.

Perfect Insanity by TJ Perkins - A witch nearly gets choked by her own garden but she hasn't got time for this cuz the kids are late for school.

DuckBob in: Running Hot and Cold by Aaron Rosenberg - A mom visits her grown son's house and cleans the stuff he didn't.

Hellbeans by Jenifer Purcell Rosenberg - Thought you hated lima beans? You'll really hate hellbeans.

The Songbird and Her Cage by Joanna Schnurman - An opera diva tricks her husband into buying her daughter a new dress.

Raising the Dead by Hildy Silverman - And you thought YOUR teenaged daughter was a zombie.

Did THEY Do That? by Denise Sutton - Babies are nightmares and destroy everything.

In case you're wondering what those stories are actually about, here's a thread of teasers (click the embedded Tweet to open it up):

And to whet your appetite, here's a thread of teasers for the 22 stories in BAD ASS MOMS 😃https://t.co/Zi28mWCVGJ

— Mary Fan 🐲 范诗蓉 (@AstralColt) July 20, 2020