Google Search: What if they...

A new year is upon us and here at Across the Board that means trying out new things. Among the changes you’ll see this year is a new reoccurring segment called ‘Google Search’. Have you ever started a search in Google and noticed the predictive suggestions provided? If so, then you’ve probably also noticed that a few of them can be a bit humorous. We Borders decided to have a bit of fun with these Google predictive suggestions this year in our new series.

Here are the rules:

1. Start a random search string in Google (or could be from one of your previous searches)
2. Choose one of Google’s suggestions
3. Write up a post (or some flash fiction if you’re feeling really creative)

That’s it. It’s all about creativity and fun.

Since I suggested this crazy game, I’m the lucky one who gets to go first. For my random search, I started with, “What if they” and here’s what Google gave me:

I had to go with “What if they mated” for my topic today. My spin on this is what if they mated one book with another? What would we get? I read You by Caroline Kepnes earlier in 2016 and enjoyed it. I had a lot of fun with my Back Jacket Hack-Job of You, so I decided to use it for my inspiration here as well.

What if they mated You by Caroline Kepnes with....

1) The Rosie Project by Graeme Simsion

This mating may or may not work out well for Joe. While I believe Joe’s obsessive tendencies would lead him quickly to full-on OCD, it would likely ruin his game. Original Joe would sometimes wait hours or days or even weeks to get the results he desired. OCD Joe might not be able to hold out that long. He would feel compelled to stalk Beck at the exact same time every day, in exactly the same way. It would make it much harder for him to blend into the background. Also, he’d probably get caught sneaking into Beck’s apartment because he’d have to organize all her personal items before leaving. Of course, with this mating the title would need to change. The Beck Project seems obvious.

2) 11/22/63 by Stephen King

I believe Joe would love this mating. He’d be able to keep going back in time and take his stalking to a whole new level. I imagine Joe would go back 50 years in time, select his prey, stalk her for a few years, go back to the present and stalk her again! Yeah, this takes creepy to a whole new level.

3) 50 Shades of Grey by E L James

Speaking of the number 50, Joe would have fun in a mating with 50 Shades of Grey. He would still be able to monitor emails and phone calls, control his woman, and he could even put her in a cage. But the bonus is that she’d know about it—no hiding! Since Joe is so sinister, I assume the title of the mated version would need to be changed to something like 50 Shades Darker—oh, wait . . .

4) Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling

The mystery for me in this mating is if Joe would be Harry or Voldemort. Joe thinks he’s a good guy, so that’d make him Harry. But he doesn’t exactly like to be the center of attention. He wants to hide in the shadows, and that’s where Voldemort likes to slither. While I have questions with this mating, I am absolutely certain Joe would love to be able to wave a wand to make a little magic happen. Maybe even conjure up a potion such as Amortentia to ensure his desired results. And that invisibility cloak—priceless!

5) The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

Ah, in this mating Joe will finally have an arena for his obsession. He’d be able to prey on his victim beloved 24/7. And as an added bonus, he’d be adored by millions of viewers for his superior stalking abilities. He’d be rewarded for eliminating his competitors. Although, in this mated version Joe wouldn’t have to kill his beloved at the end of the game. She’d be forced to serve him for the rest of his life—or at least until he found a new target for his adoration.

Well, there you have it. My twisted version of ‘What if they mated’. What books would you mate?

Thanks for stopping by, and I hope you enjoyed this first installment of our new Google Search segment!

~ Carrie

BACK JACKET HACK-JOB #11: YOU

Welcome back to our next installment of the Back Jacket Hack-Job. I decided to take a hack at my book club’s selected title for the month --- You by Caroline Kepnes. I really enjoyed this book, so don’t let my hack turn you away from reading it!

~ Carrie

I have been waiting 264 days and 1 year for you to pick up this book. There is no need for you to look over your shoulder. You won’t see me. But I am watching you, waiting to see what you will do.

You could buy this book.

If you do, then I will let you be. I will pass judgment on you as you check out, but that is all. You have done what I wanted, so be on your way with your weak and impressionable mind. You are not worthy of my time.

However, you could put it back on the shelf and walk away.

Now, you have become interesting. You have earned my attention. The kind of attention you will receive depends on what you do after you put this book back on the shelf.

If you walk out of the store without a purchase, I will resent you for wasting my time. I will remember what you look like, how you smell, how you breathe. I will not forget you, and I will wait patiently until you return.

If you put this book back on the shelf and select an inferior book, I will be forced to educate you. I will lock you in the cage, and you will read a selection of my choosing. Then I will test you. You don’t want to find out what will happen if you fail my test.

Finally, there is a small chance you will put this book back in favor of one that is far superior. A book the majority of the people who walk into this bookstore would never be able to comprehend. But you . . . you have selected it, and that means you are special. You will earn my undivided attention. I will invade your life, both physically and virtually. I will eliminate anything that holds you down. I will continue to lurk in your shadow until you surrender to me.

Now it is time for you to decide. My plans for the evening depend on your actions, so choose wisely.