tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020653850161663700.post3133365685747429403..comments2024-03-25T03:14:46.787-04:00Comments on Across the Board: EEK! PUT SOME PAGES UP FOR A CRITEEEEEEK: A collection of shortsStephen Kozeniewskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15185600045044927669noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020653850161663700.post-67480976770994316402016-08-22T09:53:14.347-04:002016-08-22T09:53:14.347-04:00Thanks for the feedback, Kimberly and Mary!Thanks for the feedback, Kimberly and Mary!Carrie Beckorthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04324065022504846662noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020653850161663700.post-69271932260091888662016-08-15T22:48:32.865-04:002016-08-15T22:48:32.865-04:00Great stuff, Carrie! I love how you set up both Me...Great stuff, Carrie! I love how you set up both Megan's feelings around school and her relationship with her brother right away. I agree with KGG about the setting--the scene needs a bit more of a sense of place (a few details about the location). While the "invisible" metaphor works well early on when Megan's talking to her brother, it drags on a bit toward the second half of the passage (it's already been established that Megan feels invisible, so the repeated references to just how she's invisible seem somewhat redundant and could be condensed--particularly since feeling invisible is a common theme in stories about teens, and most readers will already have a sense of what that means). But overall, I love how you delve into Megan's internal thoughts!Mary Fanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11280462566854191985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020653850161663700.post-55278532983736788942016-08-15T21:20:15.055-04:002016-08-15T21:20:15.055-04:00Carrie -- thanks for posting! My first critique wa...Carrie -- thanks for posting! My first critique was that I think you need to ground the reader in place immediately. When I realized they had been in a car, it threw me off. Also, I wasn't sure at first that the invisible stuff was a metaphor or if it was an actual story about superpowers. Other than that, I'm dying to see what happens with this Brett guy.Kimberly G. Giarratanohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03983330164849240374noreply@blogger.com