tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020653850161663700.post1601297337588359171..comments2024-03-25T03:14:46.787-04:00Comments on Across the Board: EEK! PUT SOME PAGES UP FOR A CRITEEEEEEK: THE HEMATOPHAGESStephen Kozeniewskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15185600045044927669noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020653850161663700.post-90025046353796077502016-04-17T21:59:14.574-04:002016-04-17T21:59:14.574-04:00Honestly, I thought the leg crossing thing was a d...Honestly, I thought the leg crossing thing was a dead giveaway. Men don't cross their legs.Stephen Kozeniewskihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15185600045044927669noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020653850161663700.post-49416778765145896282016-04-15T19:32:31.177-04:002016-04-15T19:32:31.177-04:00L.O.V.E. I.T. Mostly because it's intriguing ....L.O.V.E. I.T. Mostly because it's intriguing ... It makes me want to know what the what. The gender thing might be resolved if when called a doctor she says something like: "I'm not a doctor. A Mrs or Miss, maybe, but I couldn't save a guy having a heart attack on a Ryloft airstrip." And maybe when she crosses her legs, you hint at a really good reason for it. Maybe a feminine one. Hey, but what the heck do I know. :) (Yikes, this comment could be embarrassing, considering my tag.) Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11218251717735510831noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020653850161663700.post-26161593862554800832016-03-14T09:25:23.479-04:002016-03-14T09:25:23.479-04:00Thanks, Carrie! I think you're right about sw...Thanks, Carrie! I think you're right about switching tenses and I think I did it more than once. I knew that was going to be an issue which was partially why I posted this excerpt to get a feel for which people liked more. Yeah, I'm not sure how to make it more obvious earlier on that the MC is female but I'll figure something out.Stephen Kozeniewskihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15185600045044927669noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020653850161663700.post-2719379481339095542016-03-14T09:23:54.329-04:002016-03-14T09:23:54.329-04:00Thank you kindly, sir! The main character is inde...Thank you kindly, sir! The main character is indeed an alien in the sense that she's from another planet, though human. You've also identified another issue which Carrie pointed out - it's not clear the MC is female apparently at first. I thought the leg crossing was a dead giveaway. Thanks for the input!Stephen Kozeniewskihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15185600045044927669noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020653850161663700.post-39772569627363430522016-03-11T16:52:10.325-05:002016-03-11T16:52:10.325-05:00Great start! Brings me back to my interviewing day...Great start! Brings me back to my interviewing days, both when I was being interviewed and when I did the interviewing. I used to always hate the 'strengths and weaknesses' questions. In college I had determined that if one more interviewer asked me what my greatest weakness was I was going to say ice cream. Just my luck I got a job before I got the chance! <br /><br />One thing I noticed that hasn't been mentioned already is this section: <br />"I’m not a doctor. I should probably have corrected her. But I didn’t."<br /><br />The tense seems off to me in the last two sentences. Maybe it should be, "... I should probably correct her. But I don't."<br /><br />The other thing that stood out to me was that I didn't realize the narrator was a 'she' until almost the end of this. Not that it matters, I'm just not sure why I assumed the person being interviewed was male, but I did and it kind of threw me a bit at the line "I’m not the sort of person who’s going to get in over her head and then keep pretending like I can swim my way out of it."<br /><br />Great work!Carrie Beckorthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04324065022504846662noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020653850161663700.post-38879427754529718452016-03-11T13:54:33.062-05:002016-03-11T13:54:33.062-05:00thxthxStephen Kozeniewskihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15185600045044927669noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020653850161663700.post-67850092498944927632016-03-11T12:10:23.736-05:002016-03-11T12:10:23.736-05:00Strong work, sir! Love the internal dialogue, this...Strong work, sir! Love the internal dialogue, this guy is really smooth. Mid-interview is a great place to start and raises a lot of compelling questions. Who is this guy? What position is he applying for? Who are his interviewers. Definitely makes me want to keep reading. <br /><br />I did catch a small edit. I think there's a word missing in this second sentence of dialogue: "You've not heard? I thought everyone that old chestnut.” Probably meant, "I thought everyone had heard that old chestnut" er something.<br /><br />Also, the Ryloft reference. I'm guessing this guy is an alien? If so, I would love to hear one or two more references to that, just 'cause I did that sort of stuff. <br /><br />Love it otherwise! Thanks for sharing. Jonathan Schrammhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13790604374800284914noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020653850161663700.post-17336969885370208682016-03-11T00:20:03.597-05:002016-03-11T00:20:03.597-05:00cool punctuation brocool punctuation broMary Fanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11280462566854191985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020653850161663700.post-16718129961765310912016-03-10T23:38:28.359-05:002016-03-10T23:38:28.359-05:00Cool comment, bro.Cool comment, bro.Stephen Kozeniewskihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15185600045044927669noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020653850161663700.post-58770568269107958972016-03-10T23:15:19.825-05:002016-03-10T23:15:19.825-05:00cool story brocool story broMary Fanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11280462566854191985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020653850161663700.post-29199307424338206652016-03-10T22:38:16.361-05:002016-03-10T22:38:16.361-05:00Pshaw! You're probably just buttering me up t...Pshaw! You're probably just buttering me up to babysit your kids.Stephen Kozeniewskihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15185600045044927669noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1020653850161663700.post-42870181960715424922016-03-10T17:17:34.862-05:002016-03-10T17:17:34.862-05:00God, I love this. Every word. I'm a crappy cri...God, I love this. Every word. I'm a crappy critiquer. Where's the rest? Send it to me.Kimberly G. Giarratanohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03983330164849240374noreply@blogger.com